I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
