I got chris browned last night
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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