Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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