they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
