No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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