I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
