Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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