Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
