dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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