I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize