It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
