is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
