I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
