actually, I'm a sock model
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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