Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
