I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
