great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
