I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
