WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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