The maid of honor just puked.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize