Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
