I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
