youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
