Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
