she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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