One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
soo... how was my night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
