I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
