the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
