i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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