I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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