Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't deserve a penis
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
