Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
