i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
