Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
