i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
