When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
