Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
