I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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