i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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