Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
