I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
