Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You have to summon your inner elephant
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
