Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
