Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize