I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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