Will you blow on my dice?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
