I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
