thus making me awesome and them whores
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
