I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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