Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
