All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
