If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
