im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
