Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
