I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize