cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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