Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
