hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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