I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
