He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize