The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
