Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
