Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
