i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
