in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm at about main and main street
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
