he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
