Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
