While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
