Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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