Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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