Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
