Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
